The Ugly Truth: Part 1 The Struggle is Real

Hey everyone! Today I have decided to reveal an ugly truth of mine, which has troubled me for years.

I have severe acne problem, very severe, until I do not even have a true friend. I thought I had one and I was really happy when we were so close for 3 years. But she wasn't even true to me. I came to realise that I do not even have a single picture of us together, just the both of us, after knowing each other for 3 years, as I wasn't physically pleasing. And what hurt me most in the past was, those words coming out from an unknown stranger, those words have been deeply craved in my heart. So I was out to the shopping centre with my family, and there was this mother who were shopping with her daughter, passed by. The mother whispered to her daughter, 'look at the girl, so ugly and disgusting'. Yeah, my face was really disgusting back then, but do you think I wanted it that way? Do you think I wanted them to grow on my face? I bet people like me who have pimplish skin have these thoughts. 

I struggled with acne since I was 15. (and I am currently 26) My kind of acnes are not those whiteheads or blackheads, but are those under skin bumps which hurt me a lot. I tried so many over-the-counter topical products, but they either dried up my skin, causes redness or they don't even work. I have also been to 3 dermatologists. The first dermatologist I've visited was when I was 16, I do not remember what does the doctor prescribed to me, but those were not effective at all. And then I went to another skin clinic, this doctor used to prick my pimples with a needle, it was hurtful and my face bled and was red like an apple every time after consultation, though I felt good for being painful only on appointment day, without having to feel painful touching my own face later on. The doctor also gave me several oral and topical medications, which I don't know what they really are, I just took and apply them accordingly. After several months of consultation, I was pimple-free. But this pimple-free period does not lasts long, (probably several months?) and my acnes start to develop again. 

So another new skin clinic opened in town, The Dr. Ko Skin Clinic, and I decided to give it a try. I was prescribed with isotretinoin to reduce sebum production as well as an antibiotic. I also bought whole series of skincare, which costs me roughly RM1k on my first consultation with Dr. Ko. No doubt, the oral medication it was really effective and I see really great result in a month time. I was told to take isotretinoin for 6-12 months time, even when my pimples subsided. I took the medications for 3 months, (fyi, oral medications costs me RM300 per month), and then I start to be non compliant to my medications and eventually stopped going for appointment. And yeah, pimple free skin does not lasts long, acnes start growing again after nearly half a year after stopping the medications. But I did not went back to Dr. Ko so soon and started trying on more costly skincare products. It was controllable at first, but with the stress I was having during my college life, my face got worst. And so I went back to Dr. Ko for the second time and was prescribed with the same medications. And as expected, I wasn't compliant to my medications and the history repeats again. And so I went back to Dr. Ko the third time. And yeah, I still did not comply to my medications and pimples start breaking out again, but I did not go back to Dr. Ko the forth time.

The reason for not complying to my medications, firstly is because I do not want to depend on the medications, as isotretinoin does not only dries up your lips and makes you feel dehydrated, it also cause side effects to your liver, which is obviously not noticeable. Secondly, is the costs, I was still a college student back then and I do not want to use so much of my parents' money. So whenever I go back to the dermatologist, that pain was really intolerable, I can say. And most of the time I don't even dare to look myself in the mirror, as I felt disgusting looking at my own face too.

I'm sorry that I do not have a single picture to show as I do not even dare to take photos of my own face, its really not appealing. But please do not lose hope on fighting with acnes, my face is currently clear from pimples and I will continue to share on my skincare products in Part 2. I believe you will too, be pimple and pain free. 

Stay tune!